I want this day to be over so I can go home and cry and not talk to you about my problems
disappointed in you
disappointed in me for even getting there
(Left to Right): Peter Buffett, Jimmie Briggs, Joe Ehrmann, Tony Porter,
Dave Zirin and Moderator Eve Ensler.
Gish on the front page of the Philadelphia Record. 1923.
come in my mouth when I’m passed out and roll me on my side
you know, choking hazard
when the morning comes again you come on my eyelids
so that I can’t open them
I will hear a crow outside and think about what I am doing here
I probably hate myself
feel my consciousness spread out like a gutted fish
and this jersey sheet underneath, warm and wet
like thick folds of flesh like a spiral ham
I used to not like hot foods, but now I do
I used to bury my hate of others in my stomach
but now I just hate cold cereal
Months of emotional abuse and gaslighting. Sexual assault. Hundreds of dollars owed to me of which I will likely never see a dime. Bringing up my eating disorder in a public post/attempt to clear his name/attempt to discredit/shame me?
I don’t want to be associated with him. I haven’t wanted to be associated with him for a while. I’m writing this now because I had wanted to write this last year but was intimidated into silence. Now that people are talking about it, and now that he dragged my name into it, I might as well share my piece.
Janey Smith/Steven Trull has hurt and manipulated a lot of people. I am just one. It saddens and sickens me that some are willing to overlook this behavior because it is believed he has influence in the writing community. It’s relieving that people are speaking out now and showing support.
I don’t know what else to say. I wrote a short story about my experience because it was cathartic to do so. I’m terrified of the backlash this post may receive, particularly now while I’m dealing with a family tragedy, but I thought I should say something.
there’s been a bunch of bad stuff coming to light about abusive and creepy behavior from janey smith, who some of you may know from the online lit scene, he edits plain wrap press and hosts readings in san francisco. here is a facebook post by ian aleksander adams that discusses it, altho the information is scattered among different posts and some of them are deleted now. anyway i want to show support to brave ppl like alexandra for sharing their experiences in order to help protect others in the community from abuse. also alexandra is a cool poet and if u dont know her work u should check it out
i have been following alexandra’s work for some time now and even attended one of her readings while i was in san francisco earlier this year. it is really brave of her to do this and i would like to show my support. ive included steve’s blurb as it provides additional info.
The only time I open absolutists is when the bid I like is sending them
I think instead of texting you I’m just going to write in my notebook what I wanted to text you
dirty like my hair, tangle tangle tangle
I want to make myself almost vulnerable in front of you compulsively, obsessively
smell this affliction
witness these bruises
put your face in this longing
I want you to be just as tortured, and singularly
your thinking should be mine
tattoo my tear stains on your belly
lol, I am so possessive
burn your words at my heel one letter at a time
He was like, no, that’s not how you cut out a snowflake. Stop doing it that way.
And you were like, do you think people would take me more seriously if I started to braid my hair.
Then I was like, this. This is why I stopped reading the news. And, where did my cat go.
Then someone behind us shouted, look up! And we did and the moon was enormous.
2 of my poems from YOU COULD NEVER OBJECTIFY ME MORE THAN I’VE ALREADY OBJECTIFIED MYSELF on 22ndcenturylit today <3
… always so eager to pack my bags
When I really want to stay, when I really want to stay
When I want to stay, when I want to stay
I don’t want to stay, I don’t want to stay…
and looking down